This blog is simple. It’s one, huge, final indulgence. I’m a boa constrictor, ready to molt.
My name is Marco and I’ve been alive for 22 years. It’s a struggle, but I want to fight my basic nature and let go of the rat.
Specifically: the pack-rat. The pack-rat is afraid of giving up things it thinks are valuable and necessary for survival, but it is mistaken. Should we be holding onto material things long after they outlive their usefulness?
When I was 5 years old, I was asked to give away some of my old toys that I never played with, but I said, “No, because I want to save them for my children.” I was a cute kid, but I was also a clever and scared kid. I was not thinking about my “descendants” as much as I was really coming up with some convincing reason to cover up my fears and selfishness.
Whether it’s the fear of losing a potential future or the fear of losing out on bits and pieces of me, I am placing an inordinate amount of value on things that I should move on from. Linus is a smart kid, he doesn’t need his blanket.
I have a room full of mementos that mean a lot to me, but if they’re stored in boxes, what good are they? As a pack-rat, I’m investing in a big nostalgic rush that may or may not pay-off depending on where I’m at in life in the next 5, 10, or 20 years. I’m at a point where I should be experiencing, discarding, and rapidly learning from what happened before and not gambling on it. I do not want to be stuck playing cat-and-mouse with my own memories.
While I’m still learning that it is nice to save and invest, setting aside time and space for these mementos is not going to help me when I’m living out of my car or traveling the world or doing any of the things I want to do with my life. And I’d rather not drop off all my stuff on someone else to maintain it for me until I “get back.” It’d be an unnecessary burden on them and -forgive me if this sounds selfish- they wouldn’t appreciate it like I would.
So I’m going to get rid of it all and record what I think about everything in this blog. I want to do something practical with these things and take the time to give them one last goodbye in complete mindfulness. The goal is to look at my belongings with a thoughtful attitude, and take the time to fully understand the life-lessons they present before moving forward without fear or regret. It’s gratitude.
I am eternally thankful for all the things I owned, and all the comfort and funny thoughts and warm sentimentality I found in them. But this is the first bite of a damn good meal. I’m going to savor every last squeeze, as I constrict the little pack-rat, then lead him to my belly with one big, bitter-sweet, satisfying gulp, before I slither onto the next meal in my fight for survival.